Are You and Effective Communicator?
Communication Basics
In my practice, I work a fair amount of work with folks regarding relationship issues and problems. A common theme that arises at the heart of almost all relationship problems is failure to communicatte. Communication breakdowns manifest in a variety of ways such as; assuming the other person can read your mind (no one is telepathic), failure to talk trying to avoid conflict, talking over each other rather than one at a time, trying to communicate when angry and esclated, trying to communicate something while passing in a hallway or while the other person is engaged in another activity. These are common situations and do not result in effective communication.
Thinking because you make one vague statement means the other person will understand everything going through your head does not work. We have to say it out loud. Most people do not enjoy conflict and will avoid it by not addressing something which is important to them. The result is misunderstandings, confusion and often development of resentments because expections never communicated are not met. We cannot talk and listen at the same time. So if we are talking at the same time our partner is talking to us, neither person is being heard. Effective communication requires both people to give each other undivided attention.
One final thought is we ned to appreciate some basic gender differences in men and women. These are not absolutes obviously, but fairly typical. Women tend to read between lines and take hints, understand nuances, etc. It is simply our wiring in most cases. Men are direct. They say what they mean; nothing more, nothing less. They prefer communication which is to the point.
Exercise
Here is an exercise you can practice with your partner, friend or family member to test your ability to communcate weill to others and hear what is being said to you.
When having a conversation, practice saying what you want to convey and then asking the other person what they heard you say. If they did not hear what you intended, try again. Then when they convey a message to you, you let them know what you heard. It might help you refine your communication style.